Fun Vacation Time!

As I wrap up my days off of relaxation and fun I look at the pictures that were taken, remember the memories that have been made, and think that this is one of the first times in along time that I walked away from work without even blinking an eye. I honestly don't want to go back to work tomorrow but that is another blog for another day. After bringing Charles home on Friday I packed my bag for some much needed girl time. I was a bit nervous at the same time because Sandy and I have been estranged for quite some time, but off I was going to spend some girl time with her. The ride was pretty easy, not much traffic and seemed to be over in no time. First stop...to see Grandma, knowing that she is getting up there in age it is alway important to see her as much as I can. I think she enjoys my visits. She gives me the same smile that Momma used to give me when I would surprise her with visits :) Debra is always a hoot, fiesty as anything and definitely never a dull moment. She had found some pictures and things that she thought I might want that Momma had and gave them to me. It was funny to look back on them and see how I have changed and grown. Charles says the pictures don't even look like me...

Saturday was an adventure in itself with hugs, tears, and happiness all wrapped in one. I always go visit Mommas and clean up her grave from dead flowers and high grass. Before I made it to her I drove past the old house to take a look. I saw a lady outside and decided to stop. The lady was the new owner of the house. We talked for a little while about how she had come to own the house and all I felt was the presence of the Lord from her story. She has just recently sold the estate of her own mother and was having issues with her brothers and sisters and was in desperate need of finding a home. In two weeks time she fell in love with my mother's house and bought it and sold her old home. She realized at the closing of the home that she worked with my brother who then told her why we had to give up the home. The lady showed me the house and all that she had changed and the things she had left the same. It was a relief to be in the home and know that the next person to have it was such a good person. The things that moved me most was that her grandson chose his bedroom (my bedroom) based on something I had left behind (glowing stars on the ceiling) and because someone told her about the rose bush in the front yard, she left it there. My Momma planted that rose bush but for some reason only one rose grows every year. If that isn't her spirit I don't know what is. She ended our visit by providing me a shelf she found in the home that my father had left behind. I have it now and I plan to make it my own. After that visit I headed over to the cemetary...that is where I saw my other Momma, Casey's mom, and her holding me made me feel more comfort than I had felt in a while.

God had His Hand in my visit to Murray this time around because usually by the second day I am ready to go home. But not this time, my heart was warm and full and I felt like I was at home. I had my friends, my family...I was good...

Next Step in the Journey

Today we checked into the hospital for another cancer fighting journey. He is always in good spirits and his health is good for the most part. This is a clinical trial so we can only hope that this works. I love him more than anything and we will fight for how ever long he wants to. The people at this facility are much nicer and seem to know more of what's going on. Definitely treating us a lot better than the others. That makes this stuff a little bit easier to handle. I prayful and am thankful every time I get to see him smile and hear him laugh. Keep fighting baby, keep fighting!

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Confused on so many levels...

I love my job more than any person would in the situations I face. Today has been one of the roughest ones yet trying to figure out why I am not being involved in bringing the newest person to the reentry team. I was told that I should not worry about training anyone because it wasn't my responsibility but I am the only one that does this particular position and I do it quite well I might add...today I saw something happen right before my eyes that blew my mind...the person that used to work side by side with me was called in from another department to help train the new person. I don't know about you but I find that kind of odd. I find it interesting that although it is me who trained the past individuals I am not fit to train the new ones. I am really not understanding what to do or where to turn at this point so all I can do is pray. Pray that God shows me what he is trying to teach me from this instance. Everyone tells me to keep smiling but I am not sure how much longer I can last...

Monday Mayhem

So Charles' favorite thing to say to me is "calm down" He says that sometimes I am on edge and I should just relax and let things happen because eventually they will work out. I believe in the power of God's Word and that Charles is right about me letting things just happen, but lately it has been a little rougher than I could imagine. I want to believe that all of the trials that I am facing at this very moment are trials to make me stronger and help me see through everything. Stresses with work, finding a new home, finishing school, and even getting this car repaired. It seems as though it is either crazy calm or crazy busy and never anything in between, which makes me wonder sometimes about the stuff I get myself into.

I'm tired these days...wishing that I wasn't the do-it-all person and maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be so tired all the time. I know that some of the tiredness is stress and will eventually subside but until then I can only hope I can deal with the crazy without snapping out. I know that I can do that because I have done it before but things seem to get more and more stressful as the days go on.

I will continue to pray and think positive thoughts and believe that God has my life in His Hands to keep moving forward. I made it through Monday...looking forward to vacation with family time at the end of this week.

A New Approach

I remember when I used to do this before, I would think about things and then I would write them down. I remember how I felt when I finished that I had a whole new approach on the situation and it also helped me stay center through everything. It helped me talk to God more, even when I thought no one was listening, I knew he was. So here I am again, ready to write my thoughts downs, ready to clear my head, because the battles have been deep lately and I have to have somewhere to talk about it...